Crackfics and Rootbeer for Five Bucks
by My Mind is a Nomad
Summary: Screw the lame title. It's just crack Fanfiction. It's harmless. Just REEEEAAAAAAD the awesomeness. Rated T because it is how it is. Btw, the crappy fanart is there for a reason. LOOK AT IT.
1. Spontaneously Combusting

**~Crackfics and a Rootbeer for Five Bucks~**

**(A/N: I should be spontaneously combusting, but I'm a feisty rebel, so screw it. CRACK TIIIIIIIME! And besides, I'm pretty depressed so some good Crackfics can lift me up a little. Do me a favor and review with links to other awesome Crackfics that'll make me laugh so hard I shat penguins. Thanks.)**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Vocaloid, Kaito would be a pedophile in a hot pink pick up space ship.**

It was just another normal day in Japaneselandyville and Kaito decided to stop being a couch potato. He would finally propose to his long time boyfriend, Ashela Fitzgerald.

But, as the bluenette traveled down the yellow brick road, a red creeper van zoomed towards him, running over trees and fangirls. Kaito watched in awe as the vehicle pulled up to him.

The window rolled down and inside was Rin, wearing martini sunglasses. Kaito noticed that, "FREE CANDY," was spray painted on the side of the car in white.

"Yo kid," Rin asked in a manly macho gangster voice. "Wanna buy some drugs?"

Kaito blinked a few times and scanned her with his processor. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, K-dawg. Want some drugs?"

"Um... No? I don't want to destroy my angelic vocal chords."

"Fine then. How about a taxi ride and some ice cream?"

"DEAL!" Kaito climbed in through the window of opportunity and sat in the passenger seat.

Rin flashed an evil grin and laughed maniacally, "Perfect... I pooped today! ALL IS GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Kaito ignored the Lolita and continued to lick his mint chocolate chip ice cream. That is, until the voices showed up.

"Yo, Gingersnap." A raspy voice whispered in his ear, "You need to stop licking that shit and get your cookies outta here."

Kaito's eyes widened.

The voice continued, "If you don't escape, the succubus will soon reveal her true form. In order to survive, you need to distract her, hop out the sunroof, and find the Pole of Justice. When I was given this advice, I ignored it, and now my ghostly voice is no longer angelic. Run, Gingersnap, run!"

Kaito then threw his, "ice cream," at Rin's face. Even though there wasn't a sunroof, he still managed to escape from the van. How? You'll never know.

Then, Kaito pranced through a herd of cotton candy lions to find the Pole of Justice. After .000001 seconds, he decided to give up. He would never find this, "Pole of Justice." As Kaito cried hysterically over the thought of losing his angelic voice, a stranger tapped him on the shoulder.

"Like, why are you crying?"

Standing in front of him was a man in a Glinda the Good Witch costume. He twirled his straight, shoulder length, blonde hair around his finger.

Kaito wiped away his purple nurple flavored tears and asked, "W-who are you?"

The cross dresser said in his valley girl accent, "I'm like, Poland!"

Kaito registered what the man- Poland- had said. Poland? The Pole of Justice!

"Excuse me, ma'am, are you the Pole of Justice?"

"Naw," he rolled his green eyes, "I'm a sack of like, potatoes! Of course I'm the Pole of Justice!"

"Ohmylanta! You have to help me! Rin the gangster sandwich is hunting me down in her creeper van!" Kaito pleaded.

The nation sighed, "Fiiiiiiine, I'll, like, help you and stuff, but like, you need to find my fag."

Kaito's processor broke. "Your... Fag?"

"Ugh, you have to be, like, kidding me. If you read Kuroshitsuji, you would've, like, had a clue what a fag is and stuff! Oh, and his name is Tomoe-kun! Bye bye now, lump cakes!"

After his little speech, Poland spontaneously combusted, leaving behind a confused Kaito. First he had to find the Pole of Justice and now this!? Kaito felt tears coming on, but he fought hard trying not to cry.

"I shouldn't be crying!" Kaito exclaimed. "I'm an independent young woman! I'm better than that!"

Kaito stood up and farted until he teleported to Narnia.

"Dammit, I was supposed to teleport to Gotham City!" He pouted.

Kaito did his usual squats until the ducks in the pond spontaneously combusted due to lack of cheese sandwiches. Then, he noticed a figure hiding behind an oak tree.

"You! Reveal yourself!"

Tomoe-kun stepped out from behind the scenery, as crabby as ever. Because the author was too lazy to describe his physical traits, the poor kitsune didn't get his proper introduction.

"A-are you T-Tomoe-kun?" Kaito stuttered, still doing his epic squats of awesomeness.

"Yes, young Vulcan. I am Tomoe, the great Pole of Justice's fag. Did he send you to me?"

The vocaloid nodded. "Good, now shall we live long and prosper?" Another nod. "Poifect..."

Tomoe and Kaito then did the pelvic thrust until the duo teleported themselves to Azkaban, where Poland lived. When the screen finally adjusted, they were met with a peculiar sight. Poland had somehow managed to get all five of the Mew Mews to model different boxers for him. And Ashela Fitzgerald, Kaito's soon to be fiancé, was twerking on a purple pick up truck.

"TO THE BATMOBILE!"

Tomoe went to try on a pair of Dora the Explorer boxers and do the pelvic thrust with Pudding. Kaito, on the other hand, was so shocked to see his boyfriend cheating on him that he spontaneously combusted. The end.


	2. Farting Contest Feat UR MOM

**~Chapter Two- Fart Contest~**

**(A/N: I'm gonna write more crack, since my cousin is blasting BabyMetal. I've been trying to draw creepy disturbing monsters as a randomness outlet, but it's just not working for me. So... CRACK TIME! Enjoy!)**

**Disclaimer: LOLOOLOLOLOL DON'T LOLOLOLO OWN OLOLOLO VOCALOID LOLOLO.**

Luka Megurine was not just bored, she was REALLY bored. Like, she was so bored she could do the pelvic thrust on the Statue of Liberty. She needed a remedy fast. Luka decided to do the thing she loved most: farting.

Luka pushed extremely hard and let out an explosive fart that summoned Kyo Sohma and Ciel Phantomhive. Upon arrival, the young earl ripped a wet fart that sounded like Legally Blonde. Meanwhile, Kyo was letting out silent but deadly farts. Because of this, he transformed into a pterodactyl and did the Macarena.

Luka knew that if she didn't act fast, she would be out-farted. She clenched her butt cheeks and pushed as hard as possible. Rather than farting, the vocaloid pooped out a demon sword. Doing so, Luka made blue flames appear all around her. She was now Blue Exorcist, and it was time to kick some demon ass.

First, the singer gave her condolences to Nyan Cat, who had just lost his grandfather's only grandson. Then, Luka faced Ciel and yelled, "I CHOOSE YOU!"

Author sends out Megurine Luka!

Professor Minotaur from CottonCandylandia sends out Earl Ciel Phantomhive!

Luka used flamethrower!

Ciel used attract!

Luka used tackle!

Ciel used screech!

Luka used lick!

Ciel used harden!

Luka used lick!

Ciel used harden!

Luka used lick!

Critical hit!

Kyo fainted from the epic awesomeness and the sight of Luka wearing no clothes. After that, the dwarfs took him away on a magic carpet ride and he saw the world. Hatsune Miku came in through the window and saw the epic lemon taking place on her couch. Doing so, Miku threw up Lumpy Space Princes, fell over, and died.

LSP stepped over Miku's body and yelled, "What the lump!? I'm supposed to be in Equestria, not in a vocaloid's stomach! Damn it!"

Ciel and Luka stopped reenacting shows on Animal Planet and stared at the princess in awe. LSP started to walk away, when suddenly, the pair tackled her and began to eat at her grape Ramune flavored flesh. Upon contact with demons, LSP transformed into a Jamaican banana. The end.


	3. Interactive Gender Bent Dating Game

**~Chapter 3- Interactive Gender Bent Dating Game~**

**(A/N: Gender benders. Methinks gender benders are heroes. Now I've been having problems lately. Let's just say that my mind is not letting my body sleep because my mind is afraid of my nightmares and such. By such, I mean Smiley on Steroids. Therefore, I will dedicate this very chapter to Lioner15 as a gigantic thank you, even though I have a hunch that she isn't a big fan of crackfics. Also, thanks to all you sweet people out there who review my stories, rather than flame them. So know that this chappie's for y'all and enjoy this crazy shizz.)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kuro- wait... This is supposed to have vocaloid in it... Shit!**

**WARNING: There is a very offensive homophobic in this chapter. I do not mean to offend gays, in fact, I think they're cool and brave. Said and done.**

Len spun in his chair as the TV host, David Hasslehoff, announced, "Welcome ladies and gentlemen! This is our bachelor, Len Kagamine!"

The audience booed, "GAY!"

Len yelled, with tears in his eyes, "Shut up! I bet at least half of you will get mauled by angry fangirls!"

Right as he said that, an enraged mob of fangirls busted down the doors and started attacking the audience zombie apocalypse style. Len sighed and turned back to David Hasslehoff.

"Alright Len, here's how you play the dating game. Behind those curtains are three girls who are all competing to be your girlfriend! Just ask them some questions and based on their answers, you'll find your dream gal!"

"Okay," Len sighed yet again, "First, I would like to know your names and a little bit about you. We'll start off with Girl #1."

A high pitched female voice began, "Alright, Lenny-kun. My name is Alicia Trancy and I own a mansion. I like to abuse bitchy demon maids and dissect butterflies for fun!"

"She sounds like... A creepy sadistic lady... I like her!" Len thought.

"Okay then, let's hear from Girl #2."

"Ahem... My name is Kaitlin and I'm a singer. My other hobbies include spontaneously combusting and eating whole tubs of ice cream while writing my next song."

Len nodded and then let Girl #3 speak. He was instantly startled by a cold, monotone voice.

"My name is Sebrina and I have no hobbies. I'm a skilled maid for a friend of mine. My peers address me as Sebby or Brina."

David Hasslehoff exclaimed, "Alright, so those are our three girls! The next question, written by the bachelor himself is..."

His voice became disinterested as he read, "Do you play RPG horror games?"

"RP what?" Asked a very confused Alicia.

"Ooh! Ooh! I love those games!" Kaitlin piped up. "My favorites are The Witch's House, Mad Father, Corpse Party, Yume Nikki, Ib, Pineapple, Mango, Cantaloupe, actually, my friends call me Cantaloupe. Anyway..."

Len sighed as Kaitlin continued to list her favorite video games and fruits. Sebrina was eerily silent. After a good five minutes of irritating rambling, Len lost his shit and yelled, "NEXT QUESTION!"

David Hasslehoff nodded as he twirled his cotton candy pink hair."Yes indeed, Lenny-kun. What's your idea of a perfect date?"

"Len," Alicia began, in a matter of fact tone. "My perfect date would be going antique shopping, beating up Hannah, having lemon meringue pie, beating up Hannah, going cloud watching, and to end it on a good note, beat up Hannah one last time."

"My turn!" Kaitlin cheered. "Okay, my perfect date would be where we go canoeing, because canoeing is always romantic. And then we'll sing together all night long. Oh, and-"

"SHACKLES!" Sebrina burst out. "I like shackles."

Everyone, including the kawaii pineapples fangirl mob, was silent for a good 5.696969696969 minutes. Then David Hasslehoff cleared his throat and announced, "Alright! Commercial time! We'll be right back."

During the commercial, all of the girls sang karaoke to "My Humps," while Len pondered about how exactly a raven is like a writing desk. David Hasslehoff was too busy putting on another layer of Edward Elric flavored lip gloss to give a shit about what was going on.

"Alright! We're on air now!" Sebrina shouted out, which angered David Hasslehoff.

Len sighed and said, "Here's the last question: What's your life motto?"

Kaitlin automatically went into a rant about how amazing ice cream is. Alicia sighed and told him, "My life motto is that if you can't get what you want, you gotta strut your stuff and shake your hips."

Everyone gave Alicia a look. "Okay," Len said, still slightly mentally scarred. "How about you, Sebrina?"

Sebrina replied in a creepy, calm monotone, "You know you want to. Once you escape from the chains of sleep, you can be free with me and the othersssss. Be free... Somewhere inside you, is the madness that is just dying to be released."

David Hasslehoff and Len were shell shocked yet again. Then David asked Len, "So which girl will you pick? Alicia, the normal one? Kaitlin, the bubbly and talkative one? Or Sebrina, the... One one?"

Len pondered over this for a moment. He had no idea! They were all total packages! So to solve his problem, he used Nomad logic. He thought, "I shouldn't chose Alicia because then I'll get sent to the ER. Kaitlin has too much mangoes and not enough stripes. Then Sebrina is just... Sebrina."

"Well?"

"I choose you, David Hasslehoff! Shut up and make out with me!"

Len forced himself onto David, thus reenacting the stuff that goes down on Animal Planet. Have a nice day, folks!

**(A/N: Beautiful. Tell me in the reviews which girl you would've picked and thanks for reading! I would've chosen Sebrina, even if she did like shackles. Oh I sound weird now. TEE HEE HEE JOIN THE MADNESS WITH MEEEEEEE! Nope, kidding. Ha.)**


	4. A Good Ol' Road Trip

**~Chapter 4- A Good Ol' Road Trip~**

**(A/N: From Sebrina's debut in chapter three, y'all probably assume I'm delusional. WRONG! It's all creepypasta references! Ha! But this chapter is freaky and inspired by Markiplier (YouTube gamer), Lioner15, and a jar of frosting. Enjoy!)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vocaloid, Tiptoe, or Drocell. Just Minty. You'll understand soon enough**.

Hatsune Miku blasted the radio as she drove to her vacation house in Wisconsin. Because Wisconsin has snow and cheese, and who wouldn't want that? Miku was jamming to, "Daylight," by Matt and Kim, when suddenly the radio became very staticky. She got annoyed and turned it off. Then, Miku kept driving when she noticed she was passing by a creepy looking abandoned gas station. Ugh. But she ignored it and moved on.

After another fifteen minutes of eerie silence, Miku sighed and stopped her Lamborghini in the middle of the road so she can put on a fresh layer of cantaloupe flavored lip gloss. She adjusted her mirror, and what she saw in the backseat made her freeze.

Sitting there was a tall, young girl wearing clothes you'd see at a Polish festival. Her skin was a sickly pale blue that contrasted against her golden blonde hair. An old radio sat in her lap and she wore an everlasting grin on her face. The girl's eyes shone with malice.

Miku stammered, "H-hi, how are y-you?"

The creepy girl's smile only grew wider, revealing sharp teeth.

"W-w-what's your na-name?"

The girl leaned forward until her blue nose touched Miku's. "Minty. I am Minty." The girl whispered.

Then she sat back down and hit a button on her radio. Music started to play.

"Tiptoe through the window

By the window, that is where I'll be

Come tiptoe through the tulips with me,"

Minty swayed to the beat and soon, Drocell climbed in through the window and joined her. Miku just stared at them in horror.

"Oh, tiptoe from the garden

By the garden of the willow tree

And tiptoe through the tulips with me,"

Drocell started twisting his head 180 degrees, almost like an owl. Rin jumped in from the sunroof and began doing the pelvic thrust, because batteries aren't included. Minty tilted her head to the side and her smile grew so wide, you'd think she was a shark or something. Tears streamed down Miku's face as she witnessed the horror.

"Knee deep in flowers we'll stray

We'll keep the showers away

And if I kiss you in the garden, in the moonlight

Will you pardon me?

And tiptoe through the tulips with meeeeeeeeeeee,"

The music came to an abrupt stop. Miku let out a sigh of relief and faced the street again. Finally, she could drive in peace. Ah, strawberry pudding with rainbows and glitter glue...

"Kagome, Kagome, Kagome..." All three hitchhikers began to chant.

Miku couldn't take it anymore. She stopped the car and yelled at the top of her lungs, "JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL! TAKE IT, NOW!"

And that's how Hatsune Miku summoned Sebastian Michaelis, who was sitting in the passenger seat wearing a s***y Santa Clause costume. He used his epic demon powers to transform Rin and Drocell into useless, horny kittens.

However, when Bassy took one look at Minty, he simply fell over and died. Boo hoo. Miku took this chance to run as fast as she could. Away from her car, away from Minty, away from it all. She ran and ran until she reached her house. Which happened to be two inches away from her car.

Seeing that she had won, Minty turned the radio back on and smiled through the screen, right at YOU.

**The End**


	5. Infiltration Rainbownation

**~Chapter 5- Infiltration Rainbownation~**

**(A/N: I don't know what this chapter is going to be about yet. I'm just gonna wing it. I will also use inspiration from random objects in near proximity. Oh, and I'm not writing shat tomorrow because I get to strut my stuff while drunk on lemonade for three hours straight. Can't wait! Anyway, enjoy the chapter and please review if you like it!)**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Vocaloid, they would sing in Español. Not English. Not Japanese. Español.**

Rin was at catholic church, kneeling in a pew and praying. She wore a grey nun costume. And in case you didn't know, Rin is NOT a nun. But on this very night, she will finally discover what's behind the church doors.

Rin farted herself over to the doors, whipped them open, and ran down the long, spindly halls. She came to an abrupt stop when she approached a cul-de-sac. There were five doors, each a different color.

Rin shrugged and pulled open the red door. It was snowing cotton candy and dog crap inside. There was so much that little children were picking it up and building cotton candy crap snowmen. Her twin brother, Len, was making cotton candy crap angels with David Hasslehoff.

Rin sighed and and shut the door. Then she opened the orange one. Inside was a cute little cafe. She decided to order a latte and some food. But Rin took one look at the menu and changed her mind. It read:

Cow Latte... £69

Cow Mocha... £69

Cow Coffee... £69

Double Scoop Cow Sundae... £69

Cow Sandwich... £69

Cow Water... £69

Cow Smoothie... £69

Cow Cream Soup... £69

Flustered, Rin slammed the orange door behind her and went straight for yellow, praying there would be free food. Instead, the room was small and empty, except for a creepy looking Danish girl siting in the middle of the room, Indian style.

"Hi Minty," Rin anxiously waved.

Minty's grin grew disturbingly wide and she pressed a button on her old, black radio. Music began to play.

"Slender Man, Slender Man,

All the children try to run,

Slender Man, Slender Man,

To him it's part of the fun,

YOU CERTAINLY WILL DIE!

Tee hee hee hee-"

Rin shut the door, slightly perturbed. She made her way over to green and pushed the door open. Rin instantly recognized Luka's crying. She dashed over to the upset Vocaloid and knelt down by her.

"Luka? What's wrong?" Rin asked, with concern in her voice.

"He won't let me play with them!" Luka sobbed into Rin's shoulder.

While comforting her friend, Rin sniffed Luka's hair. It smelled like licorice. "Who?"

"Faustus-kun! He won't let me play with Miku-chan and Meiko-san!"

Rin picked up Luka and dragged her over to the demon butler. Then, she socked him right in the stomach and yelled, "You made my friend cry! What's the meaning of this?"

Claude flicked Rin on the forehead and she flew back across the room. Then he kidnapped Luka and used his spider webs to escape. Rin shrugged and went over to the purple door. There's no blue door because blue is satanic now, thanks to Blue Exorcist.

Rin yanked the door open and peered inside. Ciel Phantomhive was sitting on a giant Christmas present wearing a lingerie Easter bunny costume. He sashayed over to Luka, picked her up bridal style and said in a sultry tone, "Mm, you touch my tralala."

The young earl then started to suck face with Rin. She let him kiss her, for who knows why? Then the story blacked out because things were getting a little too lemony.

The end- JUST KIDDING. This is now a public fanfiction announcement from yours truly, Minty. Tell us what you have to say. Minty spawned out of nowhere and started to grin again.

"Please, readers, review. By reviewing, the author may take suggestions from you and incorporate them into the upcoming chapters. Oh, and if you don't review, I'll be watching you in your dreams."

She pressed another button on her radio. "And tiptoe through the tulips with meeeeeeeee-"

Alright, that's enough dear. Now... **_THE END_**


	6. Becoming One with the Horns

**~Chapter 6- Becoming One with the Horns~**

**Disclaimer: I did not get Vocaloid as a present, so I don't own it.**

Meiko started off her fabulous day by eating nacho cheese covered cucumbers. It wasn't her ideal version of how her 57th birthday would play out, but she didn't mind. Today was Enero the first, and it was raining eagles. Not falcons. Not hawks. Eagles. Suddenly, the vibrating of Meiko's cell phone interrupted her fabulous day. It was a text message from her BFF, The Statue of Liberty. It read:

"¡Feliz cumpleaños! Do you wanna chill with me at the club today?"

Meiko sighed and replied, "Yes gaga, yes. I'll be ready in an hour. Could you pick me up then?"

After sixty nine minutes of fabulizing herself, Meiko went to the club with her friend. Liberty parked the batmobile next to Christopher Walken and walked into Olive Jūru, a classy pub. As Meiko causally walked in, all of her friends jumped up and cheered, "SURPRISE! Happy 57th birthday!"

The vocaloid squealed with joy and started thanking everyone. "Thank you, Miku! Thank you, Luka! Thank you, Liberty! Thank you, Kaito! Thank you, Rin and Len! Thank you, Ichika Orimura! Thank you, Alois! Thank you, Sollux Captor! Thank you, Inuyasha! Thank you..."

The thanking went on for another sixty-nine minutes. Then, finally, the party got started. Everyone was dancing, drinking, and punching falcons. Meiko was sucking face with her boyfriend, Ichika, while holding a piña colada.

Miku, Rin, and Alois were doing the nosebluntslide. Sollux and Liberty were getting even drunker than a dead spider monkey. Len and Inuyasha were having a twerking competition while Kaito ate ice cream like usual. All was peaceful.

Suddenly, Rin farted and the power went out, causing Meiko to scream and spill her piña colada. Liberty swore and went to fix the electricity. When the lights came back on, it was a completely different scenario.

Alois and Luka were repeatedly kicking Rin in the stomach while Inuyasha yodeled about waffles. Len was still twerking and Kaito was still eating truckloads of ice cream. Miku was eating Liberty's vomit while doing the pelvic thrust and singing about doing the time warp. But Meiko didn't care about any of that. She had her eyes glued to Sollux, who was making out with HER boyfriend.

"You bitch!" Meiko screeched, "Get your filthy horns off my baybay!"

She shoved Sollux away from Ichika. Then, Meiko got all up in his shizz and yelled, "You wanna fight, rokudenashi?"

Sollux gasped and responded, "He's my boyfriend! Not yours!"

Meiko growled and began to take off her hoop earrings. "Hold these, Ichika! We're about to get down and dirty!"

"EVERYONE STOP!"

A second Ichika Orimura wearing a bunny costume entered Olive Jūru and stormed over to Meiko. Everybody stared at him in shock.

"That is not the real Ichika Orimura! I am! She set me up!" He exclaimed.

"She who?"

"That fraud is actually... Winry Rockbell!" Ichika ripped off the Ichika Orimura mask to reveal Loki, the Asguardian god of mischief.

"What!? I thought..."

Loki sighed and said sheepishly, "I wanted to sabotage Meiko's party because... Everybody forgot it was my birthday, too!"

"Really?" Meiko sounded surprised. "I'm sorry I forgot, Loki. You can join un if you'd like. In fact, I even had a present for you!"

Meiko grabbed a blueberry pie out of nowhere and shoved it into Loki's face. Then, she ran out of the bar screaming and laughing maniacally.

**The End**

**PS: No falcons were harmed in the writing of this fanfic.**


	7. Crack Pairing 101: Alois15

**Chapter 7- Crack Pairing 101: Alois15**

**(A/N: If you haven't noticed, this chapter is dedicated to Lioner15 for being awesome, and Humerous Death for helping me with the pairing. So... LETS GET THIS SHIZZ AWN!)**

**Disclaimer: I am not Yana Toboso. I do not have the rights to Kuroshitsuji. I also do not own Vocaloid, because I am not of Japan. If you are not of Japan, then come here and I'll give you a hug.**

**Double Disclaimer: I don't own the STD's either and I seriously don't want to. It's actually an inside joke between my fellow acquaintances.**

Lioner15 was sitting in her chair, with her feet perched up on the desk. She had typed up her latest chapter of Voca High, but she just didn't know how to end it. Lioner tried PMing Nomad, who didn't help because she was too busy riding a drugged sheep.

Lioner15 sighed and stared at the computer. She had a good ending, and it wasn't a cliff hanger, but it was too cheesy. WAY too cheesy. She had to think of something!

Suddenly, her writer's block was interrupted by a new message in her PM inbox. An author called, "Suck My Pet Rock69," had sent her a message asking if she needed help.

Without giving it a second thought, a desperate Lioner15 typed, "Yes! I need inspiration NOW!"

Suddenly Miku, Luka, and Rin climbed in Lioner's room through the window. They were all wearing Sailor Moon cosplay and two golden tassels around their necks.

Rin, who was dressed as Sailor Jupiter, put a hand on her hip and asked, "Lioner15, shall we inform you about our business? We receive lots of payment for our business."

Already thinking the worst, Lioner shook her head no, since she was unable to talk from the massive fangirl attack she was having. But it was too late. The vocaloid girls already started their campaign.

Miku, who was dressed as Sailor Venus, cheered, "We are the Special Titty Dusters! Otherwise knows as the STD's!"

Luka ripped off her Sailor Mercury cosplay and added, "Dusting titties left and right!"

Lioner15 was now hugging her Alois Trancy plushie and crying into it, mentally scarred by the STD's. All three girls grabbed their tassels and began dusting the young author's face.

The now butt naked Luka started laughing maniacally and continued, "For half an hour of top quality titty dusting, you only pay fifty dollars! What a bargain!"

Lioner15 screamed and tried to squirm away, but only accomplished accidentally knocking over her chair and falling to the ground.

"So what do you say? Do you want to accept our offer?" Miku asked.

Rin flashed a sadistic grin and began smothering Lioner with her Alois plushie. Was this it? Would the STD's defeat her once and for all? Lioner15 kept trying to push off Rin but failed.

Suddenly, the Vocaloid was being dragged off of her by Humorous Death. Lioner15 cried, "Death! You'll never believe what happened! I just got attacked by-"

Humorous Death put a finger in Lioner's lips and drew out two golden tassels. "Sh, I got a new job today."

As her best friend attacked her, Lioner15 began to cry, "There's no place like home! There's no place like home! There's no place like home!"

Then suddenly...

Silence. Lioner15 was saved. As she opened her eyes, she was met with dazzling ice blue ones.

That's when she realized that the REAL Alois Trancy rescued her and was now holding her bridal style. And he just so happened to be wearing Ben Drowned cosplay. Lioner15 was about to squeal from a fangirl attack when Alois kissed her and they rode off into the sunset.

Before the story ended, Alois whispered into Lioner15's ear, "Do you need a stud in your life? Cause I got the STD and all I need is U."

Lioner15's eyes widened.

The end.

How's that for inspiration?

**(A/N: I love this chapter! It's so weird and wrong! And Lioner, the vocaloids do not want to kill you. You can calm down from your fangirl attack now. I hope y'all enjoyed this crazy shit. Bye!)**


	8. How Kaito Got His Hand Fetish

**Chapter 8- Rebellion: Miku x Levi**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR MY CACTI**

Hatsune Miku slid the heavy blankets off of her and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Today was a beautiful day because deh angel in deh sky had a spotlight. And also because it was Kick a Blue Squirrel in a Tunnel Day. Miku yawned and opened her window, expecting to see cottage cheeese colored skies. Instead, she was met angry vocaloids throwing pineaples at her glorious mansion. The worldwide popstar gasped and took a closer look.

She saw her best friend, Teto, throwing pineapples and summoning pregnant owls before Miku's window was covered in rainbowlicious waterbottles. Miku ran down many flights of stairs, not bothering to put on something over her speedo. Before she could comprehend it, The Dolorosa came zooming in on a jetpack and rammed right into her.

Hatsune Miku's body pained and ached. The Dolorosa's horns had stabbed BOTH of her boobs. She had bruises on her stomach and legs. Suddenly, Miku was picked up bridal style by someone. And who was that someone?:

A) Sebastian Michaelis *insert fangirl squeal here*

B) Edward Cullen on a hover board

C) A drunken Minty covered in post-it notes

D) Naked Kaito on a wrecking ball

If you chose A, B, C, or D, then you're wrong! If you chose pineapple wreath, then you're correct!

Miku glanced up to see Levi Ackerman in a ballerina leotard and tutu. "Precious," Levi began, his voice sounding very odd, "Tonight, we are gonna make out like two jackrabbits in a bonfire."

The, "Number One Princess," jumped out of Levi's arms and ran away as fast as she could, which was ultra slow, thanks to her wounds. She tripped and slid down the stairs, earning a broken butt. Despite all of this, she still managed to yank open the doors and rush outside. Once Miku was aware of her surroundings, she let out a tiny gasp.

Instead of the angry pineapple mob she saw earlier, Jeff the Killer was waiting for her with a boombox and a limbo stick. The angry mob watched the two intently.

"Uh hi," Miku began, unsure of what to say. "What are you doing?"

He jabbed her side with the limbo stick and yelled, "I challenge you to a duel! Let the battle commence!"

Jeff pressed a button on the radio and, "I Can Take Off My Panties!" came on. He scruched his nose and muttered, "Shit, Sally took my fight songs CD... Oh well! LET THE BATTLE COMMENCE!"

Miku whipped out a shiny blue katana out of nowhere and began battling her adversary. Jeff chuckled and whacked her in the face. Hatsune Miku stumbled back and then slashed Jeff's side. This irrationalism continued for sixty nine days and fifty seconds. Finally, Jeff took a step back and yelled at the top of his lungs, "DOCTOR OCTOGANOPUS BLAHHHHHHHH!"

Miku was struck by a giant blue laser beam and she disentgrated. Then, Kaito took her hand, the only remaining body part and started chomping on it. Jeff winced and then spontaneously combusted. Minty walked over to the crime scene and snatched the katana. She flashed a demented grin. THE END

**(A/N: That was fun. I'm listening to Onii Youkai, which explains pretty much everything. Have fun with your nightmares!)**


	9. The New Mrs Hasslehoff

**Chapter 9- The New Mrs. Hasslehoff**

**(A/N: Mosquitoes: 4 Nomad: 0 They're eating me alive! It's not going to be easy, typing and slapping at the same time. Oh, and I drew crappy pen fanart for y'all. It's supposed to be crappy for humor, so please, don't take it seriously. Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy this chapter, I'm dedicating it to Pewdiepie for the inspiration. Yeah. Enjoy!)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vocaloid. Or the mosquitoes.**

It was a beautiful summer day and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Birds chirped and flowers bloomed. It was the perfect day for a wedding. Just kidding! The sky was black and it was hailing baseball helmets. But it was still a beautiful day for a wedding.

There were two sets of pews. The husband's family was on the left side and the bride's on the right. There were about forty spider monkeys and seven people on each side. The husband's side consisted of Old Mister and Miss Hasslehoff, Michael Jackson, Muscle Princess, Mitskuni (Honey), Mickey Mouse, and the aforementioned spider monkeys.

On the bride's side, there was Rin Kagamine, Luka Megurine, Miku Hatsune, Meiko, Kaito, Gumi, Thing 2, and Edward Elric. Oh, and let's not forget the spider monkeys. Anyway, let's get back to the scenario.

At the altar was David Hasslehoff, waiting for his bride along with twelve penguins and Mother Theresa. Finally, the violin began to play and the bridesmaids came down the aisle. 6.9 octopi in ball gowns reached the altar, formed a circle around it, and started to chant, "Stoom, stoom, stoom!"

A little blonde girl in a purple tutu came graciously stomping down the aisle. She had bright blue eyes and the signature Hasslehoff nose. The toddler dumped the basket of flowers on Michael Jackson's head and glomped Mother Theresa with a running start.

You're probably wondering: Who the hell is this child and what is she doing at the wedding? Well, let's just say the bride couldn't keep his pants on through the whole five year engagement.

The violin came to an abrupt stop. Suddenly, the choir started blasting Gangnam Style at full volume. The bride sashayed down the aisle, wearing a beautiful wedding gown that fit him like a glove.

Mother Theresa began, "Alright, let's get 'er done! So blah blah blah now put the rings on!"

David gave the saint a look and said, "We don't have them yet. We have to wait for the ring bearer."

"A ring what?"

A grizzly bear in Phantom Dark cosplay trudged down the aisle, wedding rings in paw.

"There we go!" Mother Theresa cheered. "Now put them on already!"

The soon-to-be spouses followed orders and put the rings on each others' middle fingers.

"Alrighty then, David Hasslehoff, do you take this lovely... Err... Man to be your wife?"

"I do," David said, loud and proud.

Mother Theresa turned to the bride, "Len Kagamine, do you take this snazzy hubba-bubba to be your husband?"

"I do," Len smiled, wiping away a happy tear.

"You may now kiss the bride," Mother Theresa announced.

David took Len's veil off and chucked it at Mickey Mouse. Then he smashed his lips against Len's. the crowd whistled and howled, thanks to the help from the spider monkeys. David and Len's unnamed love child cheered and hugged her daddies.

As the now joined families left the church, Mother Theresa locked her eyes on Edward Elric and said, "Come here, hot stuff."

The alchemist obliged and that's how Theresa Elric Jr. was conceived. THE END

**(A/N: Just beautiful! I'm wiping laughter tears away right now! Woo! So if you thought this was beautiful, please review and you will make Nomad happy. Very happy. Flip over a table happy. And if you actually think my crappy fanart image is cool, here's an Internet cookie. Bye!)**


	10. A Flash Mob To Remember

**Chapter 10- A Flash Mob to Remember**

**(A/N: I just got home from a party and I am SUPER exhausted! It was a grad party for a cousin of mine. Let's just say I got a baby/toddler dumped on me. In a trampoline. Full of stubborn eight year olds. And I have little to no experience with young kids. So yeah, I'm exhausted. Anywho, here's the crack! Enjoy!)**

**Disclaimer: We already went over this. I am NOT one of Japan, therefore I don't own Vocaloid. M'kay?**

Meiko was humping an orange volleyball. Don't ask why, I'm not so sure myself. Jabberwockies and narwhals passed by, whispering about the vocaloid's actions. Meiko kept frantically humping the volleyball, afraid the pedestrians would notice her newest Eridan Ampora tattoo. People always judged her for being an Eridan fangirl. They all said Karkat Vantas was better.

Suddenly, Meiko stopped abruptly when she saw Kristen Stewart sashaying down the sidewalk. She had gotten yet ANOTHER nose piercing. Oh wait, that was Miley Cyrus. Never mind.. Kristen was trying to pick cheeto powder out of her nine inch nails. That happened to be orange. Just like Meiko's poor and abused volleyball.

The two locked eyes on each other, realizing they were destined to be soulmates. Before they could even register it, both girls were run over by a red creeper van that read, "FREE CANDY," on the side in graffiti. Rin, who was clad in a bikini and martini glasses, rolled down the window and said in her manly macho gangster voice, "Hey y'all, wanna buy some... Dammit!"

Rin realized that she had killed her victims before... Killing them. She shrugged and sucked their souls. "Mmm, tastes like chicken."

Suddenly, "Funky Town," started blasting at full volume on her radio. Rin covered her ears and screeched. She heard pounding on top of her creeper van and she got out, only to discover something so mind scarring it causes brain damage. Ciel Phantomhive was doing the Funky Chicken while wearing bellbottoms and a hot pink afro. It only gets worse: He was actually SINGING along.

"Let me take you to! Funky Town!" He sang really off key, yet still looked gorgeous. Even in the afro.

Rin stared in awe, hypnotized by the strangeness emitting off of the young earl. Her mind was long since blown. She was nothing except an empty shell now. And a succubus, of course.

The song ended and another came on. This time, it was, "CaramelDansen." Kaito climbed on top of the van with Ciel and began doing the traditional dance. Kaito was wearing his scarf, lacy blue lingerie, and hot pink bunny ears. He shook his little bunny tail and winked over at Lioner15, who was literally dying of a fangirl attack. Then, the song ended and the two disappeared. Rin sighed, thankful everything was finally back to normal. Until she turned around to find Denmark wearing a poncho and a miniskirt.

Ciel and Kaito appeared behind Denmark and, "I Can Take Off My Panties," by Rin herself came on. Rin fainted as the trio began to recite a very dirty dance to her own song. Ciel was twerking while Kaito and Denmark began to stroke Rin's cheeks with beyond freaky grins on their faces. Rin woke up screaming, "BAH-NA-NA-NAH! BAH-NA-NA-NAH MILK!"

Finally, the music stopped and everything went to normal. That is, until everyone, Rin, the trio, passerby, noticed Minty standing on top of the van wearing Ash Ketchum cosplay. In her hands, she held a bullhorn and her raido. Minty pressed a button and music came on. She held the bullhorn to her blue lips and began to sing.

Minty:

It's astounding;

Time is fleeting;

Madness takes its toll.

But listen closely...

Denmark:

Not for very much longer.

Minty:

I've got to keep control.

I remember doing the time-warp

Drinking those moments when

The Blackness would hit me

Minty:

And the void would be calling...

Soon, everyone joined in. Even Lioner was dancing!

Pedestrians:

Let's do the time-warp again!

Let's do the time-warp again!

Death:

It's just a jump to the left.

Pedestrians:

And then a step to the right.

Death:

With your hands on your hips.

Pedestrians:

You bring your knees in tight.

But it's the pelvic thrust

That really drives you insane.

Let's do the time-warp again.

Let's do the time-warp again.

Denmark:

It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me.

So you can't see me, no, not at all.

In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention,

Well secluded, I see all.

Minty:

With a bit of a mind flip

Denmark:

You're into the time slip.

Minty:

And nothing can ever be the same.

Denmark:

You're spaced out on sensation.

Minty:

Like you're under sedation.

Pedestrians:

Let's do the time-warp again.

Let's do the time-warp again.

Ciel:

Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think

When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.

He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise.

He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes.

He stared at me and I felt a change.

Time meant nothing, never would again.

Pedestrians:

Let's do the time-warp again.

Let's do the time-warp again.

Death:

It's just a jump to the left.

Pedestrians:

And then a step to the right.

Death:

With your hands on your hips.

Pedestrians:

You bring your knees in tight.

But it's the pelvic thrust

That really drives you insane.

Let's do the time-warp again.

Let's do the time-warp again!

Everyone cheered when the song ended. Lioner and Death gave each other high fives. Then, Minty screamed over the bullhorn, "EVERYBODY DO THE FLOP!"

With that, everyone simply fell over and story ended.

Nomad sat up and flung her earbuds across the room. "Holy shit! What kind of dream was that!?"

She threw off her covers and grabbed her laptop. "I better start writing!"

**THE END**


	11. Fun Times At The Drive-Thru

**Chapter 11- Fun Times At The Drive-Thru**

**(A/N: I'm on the road! And I'm reeeeeeeeeeeally bored, so why not type up some crackfics? I think my brother's watching me 0.0 Weird... Meh, I can handle it. So without further ado, here's chapter 11! Enjoy!)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vocaloid at all. You know the drill.**

* * *

Gakupo never ordered food at the drive-thru in his life. Ever. But his long time girlfriend, Meiko, wanted a Tutti Fruitti Smoothie and she would not take no for an answer. So that's how Gakupo found himself at a Burger King drive-thru for the first time. And he was a wreck. He was just about ready to whip off his robe, he was just that sweaty! The vocaloid sighed and pulled his car up to the speaker.

Gakupo stuttered, "H-hi, can I order t-t-two t-tutti frutti smoothies p-please?"

"Would you like anything else?" replied a sultry feminine voice on the other end.

"Oh no, she sounds hot!" Gakupo panicked. He always had a weakness for cute girls. Including Meiko. "No, th-that's it."

"Alright sir, could you please drive around? There's a huge line forming behind you."

The vocaloid carefully drove around the building and pulled up to the first window. He swallowed the lump in his throat, expecting to be greeted by a pretty girl with blond highlights and huge breasts. Instead, he turned to face Slenderman. That's right. SLENDERMAN. Tentacles and all. Gakupo let out a girly scream and put a hand over his mouth.

"Pay up already," Slenderman whined. "I've got a boatload of carswaiting and Kid's not gonna be happy if I take too long."

"SLENDY! YOU BETTER NOT BE GOSSIPING ABOUT ME AGAIN!" Death the Kid yelled from the kitchen.

"Sorry, sir," Slenderman turned back to face Gakupo. "Now pay up or die a staticky death."

Gakupo dug through his pocket and handed Slenderman the exact price: negative fifty-seven dollars. Before the cashier could argue, he sped off to the second window. Hoping to see his fantsy blond, he prayed for the best. Too bad there was an ostrich waiting for him. And it was wearing hipster glasses. Gakupo groaned, "Just give me my freaking smoothies.."

The ostrich obliged and somehow used its beak to give the vocaloid his smoothies, but not before saying, "That's deeeeeeeeep maaaaaaaaaaan. Deep as a river."

Gakupo was in shock. Did it just talk!? He gave the ostrich a look and passed out right on the spot.

When he woke up, one of his smoothies was missing and was in a go-kart in the middle of a desert with an unconscious Karkat Vantas, who happened to be wearing nothing but hot pink pumps. Gakupo jumped out of the vehicle and that's when it hit him. He needed to pee REALLY badly. The vocaloid bit his lip and tried to look around the area for a building. Nothing. He was screwed. Gakupo squirmed, praying he wouldn't soil his robe. But wait! What's that in the distance? An outhouse? It is! The purple haired singer ran for his life. And his bladder.

When he approached the porta-potty, he noticed two slim figures standing in symmetrical stances in front of the door. The girls were mirror images of each other. They had long, curly, strawberry blond hair, thin, pale pink lips, and mesmerizing hazel eyes. But there was something off about them...

"Hello sir," The one on the right said. Her voice was surprisingly deep and angsty for a young girl. "Would you like to play our game?"

Automatically thinking something perverted, Gakupo nodded vigoruously. He still had to pee, but that didn't matter when two hot girls were asking him to, "play a game."

The other twin flashed a sexy grin and explained, "We're identical twins, so it's impossible to tell us apart. We'll only let you in if-"

"-you can guess..." The other twin completed. Then, they both said in perfect unison, "Which one is Hikaru?"

Not knowing what to do or which twin to pick, Gakupo anxiously pointed to the twin on the right. "You! You're Hikaru!"

"Wasn't Hikaru a boys' name?" Gakupo thought randomly.

"Nope!" The sexy twin on the right said. "I'm Kaoru! That one's Hikaru! You lost! Say goodbye to the porta-potty!" said Kaoru.

"And by the way, we're both men, so we're not interested in the slightest!" Hikaru added.

Gakupo gasped. He was shocked. Since when was he gay? He shook his head and tried to push the devious Hitachiin twins out of his way, but they wouldn't budge. Instead of retrying, the purple haired vocaloid did the potty dance all the way back to the go-kart and threw Karkat over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He carried the troll all the way back to the twins and threw him at them. Hikaru and Kaoru got knocked over like bowling pins. Gakupo yanked open the door to find... THE TARDIS!? Inside was Viscount Druitt wearing a purple boa and a Cinderella costume.

Druitt licked his lips and said, "Heya, sexy baby, wanna conquer the universe with a Croatian toaster?"

Despite Gakupo frantically shaking his head, Druitt dragged him inside and pressed a shitload of shiny red buttons. He ran to open the door, but it was too late. When the vocaloid finally made his escape, he was met with a desert town inhabited by fifty million Nicolas Cage clones.

Druitt stepped out of the TARDIS, dusted off his ballgown, and exclaimed, "Welcome to Ur, the first ancient civilization!"

Gakupo's eyes widened as his bladder emptied. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

THE END


	12. Feeling the Love and Stickyness

**Chapter 12- Feeling the Love and Stickyness**

**Disclaimer: If I owned vocaloid, I'd give it to Lioner15 for her birthday. But it's way past Lioner's birthday anyway, so BLUH.**

* * *

Luka was at a local carnival for the first time in 107 years. She took a bite out of her cotton candy and walked up to the Funhouse. She REALLY wanted to go inside. Luka tomahawked her cotton candy at Miku and ran inside the house of secrets..

"What the ding dong?" Luka thought aloud. She was inside a dark, old farmhouse. And she did not have a good feeling about this. She grabbed the random flashlight in her hand and decided to explore. The first three rooms were too boring. All she found was a bloody corpse, a rusted machete, and some toothpaste. She took the machete and the toothpaste anyway. Then, before Luka could reach the fourth room, a whirring noise filled the air, making her drop her flashlight.

She went to pick it up, only to discover Sharebear the Carebear stole it. "Stupid Sharebear," Luka muttered. "She always takes my stuff and then uses her 'sharing is caring' arguement.."

Luka walked straight into the fourth room, oblivious as to what was in there. She felt something soft and lumpy, like fabric. Then a lightbulb flickered and the pink haired vocalaoid realized that she had been groping Len's man boobs, while he wore a sadistic grin on his face. In response, Luka pointed her toothpaste at him and yelled, "Nobody cares about you, you're just the pathetic homo who gets fanservice abuse!"

She sashayed out of the room and ran into the bathroom. The girl slammed the door behind her and locked it. She didn't care about her actions until she heard the slurping noise behind her. Slurp. Slurp. SLURP. Luka whipped around to find a butt naked Kaito slathered in vanilla ice cream. And he was licking it off himself. The vocaloid started to back away, but it was too late.

Kaito grinned at her and asked, "Have you ever tried Little Baby's Ice Cream?"

"N-no no..."

Kaito sucked some ice cream off his index finger and said, "You should. When you eat Little Baby's Ice cream, you'll wink and nod and hug and high five each other with great enthusiasm. Why, you ask? Because ice cream is a feeling."

Luka was frozen. Her mind was screaming at her to unlock the door and run, but her body just wouldn't respond. As hard as she tried, Luka couldn't move. She was petrified with fear. Kaito was right in front of her now, with the creepiest look on his face. His blue eyes were almost as wide as the moon and his smile stretched from ear to ear. She needed to run. But it was already too late. Kaito embraced her with his ice cream slathered arms and crashed his lips onto hers. A sensation like never before ran through Luka's body like electricity. She felt pleasure. She felt love. She needed more. More.

* * *

Selena Gomez was just exploring the farmhouse, wondering how the fuck she got there in the first place. So far, she jumped on all the beds, set all the toasters on fire, and used all the toilets. Although, there was one bathroom with sticky spots on the floor. But she did find some toothpaste and a pretty outfit in there. As the ex-Disney popstar continued down the old, worn out halls, she started to feel a ominous prescence watching her.

Selena whipped around and shouted, "Who's there!? I can feel you!"

No answer.

Selena huffed and went back to wandering down the hall and pondering about how the fuck she got there in the first place. Suddenly, she heard a disembodied voice singing, "I think I love yah more than the Japanese love tentacle p0rn and we should dance, dance, dance to these stereotypes!"

Selena whipped around yet again to see Claude Faustus covered in red spray paint and was wearing nothing but a plaid kilt. "Ladies and gentlemen, I am PEDOSPIDER THE GREAT!" He pounded his chest with his red fists and ran in circles around the ex-wizard. Horrified, Selena unscrewed th toothpaste cap and squirted minty toothepaste all over the demon.

"Hey! What was that for? I was just making my big entrance!" Claude seethed.

Selena looked down at the floor sheepishly and said, "I'm sorry... PedoSpider, my name is Selena Gomez."

"Omg, you mean the Selena Gomez? The one who dated that pimp Beiber?"

"Yeah, that Selena. Anyway, what are you doing here?" She asked, slightly annoyed.

"Oh, I was looking for my sidekick, Len the Cockblocker!" Claude explained. "He was supposed to be here finishing up a mission, but he just disappeared."

"Ah, I see," Selena began, "I'm just wandering around, wondering how the fu-"

"CAN YOU FEEEEEEEEEEL THE LOVE TONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT?" came a scream from down the hall.

Suddenly, Claude grabbed Selena's wrist and they started running. "I'll explain later," Claude said, "just keep running!"

The two ran and ran until the singing behind them was far away and they found a spot to hide in. Under a rusty old bed in a random room. "So, who wants to play Spin the Faygo?"

"PedoSpider, you better explain this to me right NOW!" Selena yelled, using her diva voice.

"Fiiiiiine, I'll do it. So yesterday, my sidekick Len the Cockblocker and my boyfriend, Kaito, were chilling in an antique shop when this little tiny dude with an afro came up to us and handed Kaito a tub of ice cream and ran off without saying a word. Before we could stop him, Kaito pried open the lid and began stuffing himself with ice cream. Then he muttered something about babies and ran off. I seriously think he's out on a murder spree now."

Selena couldn't say a word. She was just speechless. The two just sat there, silent, for ten whole minutes. Then they got bored and started making out. "Mm, do these tacos taste funny to you?" Selena moaned, trying to seduce the demon. As they were sucking face, Len sneaked into the room and used his telekinetic powers to throw the bed out the window. Why does Len have telekinesis, do you ask? Because he was wearing a green wig and booty shorts.

"Yo Pikachu! I choose you!" Len yelled, getting the lovebirds' attention. "NOBODY CALLS ME THE PATHETIC HOMO COCKBLOCKER AND GETS AWAY WITH ITTTTTT!" Len grabbed a croquet mallet out of nowhere and began smashing Selena and Claude. He continued to do so until they started to look like Lindsay Lohan.

Len dropped the mallet and sighed, "My work is done..." That's when Kaito and Luka, both naked and covered in vanilla ice cream, pinned Len down and began smothering the blond with a limited edition Sebastian Michaelis body pillow.

After Len died a pathetic homo death, Kaito and Luka looked through the screen at you, the reader, and said in perfect unison, "Ice cream is a feeling. Little Baby's Ice Cream."

* * *

**(A/N: Weeeeeeeeeeeell that chapter took forever to write. Hope y'all enjoyed it! And remember, if you think a certain thing should happen to a certain vocaloid in the next chapter, then review, and your wish will be fulfilled. P34C3!)**


	13. Biggest Fail in the History of Fails

**~Chapter 13- Biggest Fail in the History of Fails~**

**(A/N: Bluh. Bluh. Bluh. I completely shut down, just to give you a heads up. Pineapple. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I got the ideas from my head while in this malfunctioning state. Read and review, darlings, read and review. Enjoy chapter 13!)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own vocaloid at all, whatsoever.**

* * *

"Hello operator, how may I help you?"

Meiko put her luscious lips to the phone and said, "I need twenty-two pizza boxes and an elephant skull."

"Uh, okay dearie, now where would you like it to be delivered to?" asked the female restaurant owner.

"To mi casa!"

"And where is 'mi casa?'"

"NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET! Bye bye!" Meiko hung up her phone, threw it at her Nicolas Cage statue and continued swinging wildly on her purple chandelier.

Rin came in the room farting to the Moonlight Sonata while wiggling vivaciously. Her blond locks were dyed umber and she was wearing chartreuse galoshes. Len followed her, strutting his stuff in Flo the Progressive Insurance lady's cosplay. He shook his little tush and sang, "It's raining men! Halleleujah it's raining men! Amen!"

Meiko jumped off the chandelier and landed on Miku, who had just discovered the most amazing thing in the history of amazing things. The teal haired vocaloid motioned Meiko to look over at her. She then positioned both of her pigtails in front of her face and began clapping with her hair in between her hands.

Rin gasped and asked, "What is this phenomenon you speak of?"

Miku licked her lips and announced, "I call this... HAIR FLUFFING!"

Everyone began to whistle and skip around Miku. Edward Cullen soon joined them and started singing about cacti romances. They sang and skipped until the doorbell suddenly rang. Luka yelled something about her precious elephant skull and made a bee-line for the door. The pink haired duchess opened the door to find Drake Bell standing outside the door with a duck on his head and twenty-two pizzas. Excited, Luka opened the first box to find a puce baby owl. Her eyes widened to the size of wrecking balls.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My sweet bubbly carpets are ruined!"

And with that, the poor girl spontaneously combusted. Tacos.

* * *

**(A/N: I hope y'all enjoyed it. Sadly, I couldn't make the chapter longer, but it's bursting with randomness! See ya next time!)**


End file.
